Adam Sandler Promises 50 More Films—And Jokes That Half Will Actually Be Worth Watching

Adam Sandler picked up a Career Achievement Award at AARP's Movies for Grownups bash over the weekend, and you know what? Instead of melting into self-reflection or giving us a greatest-hits rundown, Sandler did what he's always done best: he turned the whole thing into a set. If you've ever watched his stand-up, you know the man does not believe in sacred cows—especially when it comes to the subject of getting old.

Sandler, Aging, and the Art of the Roast (Mostly Himself)

After getting his award from Henry Winkler (yep, the Fonz and Sandman keep showing up in each other's lives), Adam launched straight into a riff about the joys of aging. Winning the AARP trophy, to him, just makes official what his body and life have already clued him in on—and he’s got plenty of material:

• He dropped a line about needing Viagra just to take a piss. (And yes, the joke kept going from there.)
• Complained that the font on his phone is so big that passengers on airplanes can read his texts.
• Revealed that, at his high school reunions, his main job is apologizing for sad news.
• Painted a nasty but hilarious picture of his multicolored toenails, comparing his sockless feet to a pack of Crayolas.
• Confessed that when he gets awards screeners, he can barely stay awake for eight minutes—combined—across dozens of Best Picture contenders.

Not exactly the Hallmark card vision of growing up, but, hey, it's relatable. (If you've ever splurged on a pair of sensible shoes or secretly Googled 'is back pain normal at my age?' you get it.)

He'll Keep the Movies Coming...For the Foreseeable Future

Sandler wrapped things up by thanking his wife Jackie for sticking by him ('very aware I’m not always easy,’ was the gist), then faced the existential question head-on: How much time does he actually have left? According to Adam, it's anywhere from another 60 to 90 years, depending on how much creatine he chugs and whether he starts hitting the gym. Never mind the math—he's apparently immortal until proven otherwise.

That last bit got a roar from the crowd, because, let’s face it, nobody's more aware of the Sandler batting average than Sandler himself. Comedy, family films, Netflix originals, the random serious Oscar push—at this point, even his misfires are part of the package.

Aging Out Loud

Honestly, as a fellow middle-aged person (my next birthday is right around the corner, and I'm already dodging pharmacy prices like I'm in a Mission: Impossible movie), Sandler's routine hit a little close to home. We all say aging is a gift, but sometimes it's a gift with a tax audit attached. No guidance counselor or health class ever warned me about $100 heart meds or toenails going technicolor.

Anyway. If Sandler plans to crank out 50 more movies—and history says he absolutely will—a solid chunk will be classics, a bunch will be fun, and, yes, there'll be a few stinkers. That’s just how longevity works. For now, here’s hoping the man keeps on going, both on screen and at the AARP podium, for as long as he wants.