The Iconic Rob Reiner Role Tom Hanks Passed Up Amid a Divorce
Before he ruled 90s rom-coms, Tom Hanks nearly took the lead in When Harry Met Sally — but he passed, and the 1989 classic reshaped the genre without him.
Before Tom Hanks ruled the 90s rom-com lane, he almost headlined the movie that basically set the template for the whole era. He was offered the lead in 'When Harry Met Sally...' and walked away. The reason? Very human, very not-Hollywood.
The role Hanks passed on (and why)
Rita Wilson says Hanks turned down 'When Harry Met Sally...' because the timing in his real life was wildly out of sync with the character. He was in the middle of a divorce from Samantha Lewes and, by her account, feeling pretty relieved about it. Playing a guy gutted by being single just did not compute.
"People probably don't know this, but Tom was offered 'When Harry Met Sally...' and he turned it down because he was going through a divorce and he was very happy to be not married. And so he could not understand that a person going through a divorce would have anything other than just, like, 'I'm so happy.'"
- Rita Wilson on 'Table for Two with Bruce Bozzi' (2023)
How that one pass rewired a classic
Hanks stepping aside cleared the lane for Billy Crystal to take the part opposite Meg Ryan, and the rest is rom-com canon. Rob Reiner directed, Nora Ephron wrote it, and the movie turned the question of whether men and women can ever just be friends into a pop-culture obsession. Years of near-misses, bad timing, and other relationships later, Harry and Sally finally get it together. Clean, smart, rewatchable to the point of muscle memory.
Hanks and Meg still found each other
Hollywood circled right back and paired Hanks with Meg Ryan anyway, repeatedly. First came 'Joe Versus the Volcano' in 1990 — a wonderfully oddball dark comedy that face-planted at the box office but picked up a cult following. Then the big one: 'Sleepless in Seattle' in 1993, directed and co-written by Nora Ephron, which made over $227 million worldwide (per Box Office Mojo). His gentle widower and her romantic optimist pretty much melted everyone. And in 1998, Ephron brought them back for 'You've Got Mail,' a very online-for-its-time love story that cemented the two of them as rom-com royalty.
The diner scene, the line, the legacy
'When Harry Met Sally...' hit in 1989 and immediately became the benchmark. The famous fake-orgasm bit in the deli ends with Rob Reiner's mother, Estelle Reiner, deadpanning: "I'll have what she's having." It made $93 million on a $16 million budget (via The Numbers), racked up an 88% score on Rotten Tomatoes, and has been living rent-free in the genre ever since. Nearly four decades on, it is still Rob Reiner's defining romantic comedy and still the movie other rom-coms are quietly trying to be.
- Quick facts: Directed by Rob Reiner; written by Nora Ephron; runtime 1h 36m
- Cast: Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan, Carrie Fisher, Bruno Kirby, Lisa Jane Persky, Harley Jane Kozak, Michelle Nicastro
- Box office vs. budget: $93M on $16M (The Numbers)
- Rotten Tomatoes: 88%
- Streaming: 'When Harry Met Sally...' is currently on Starz
Final thought
Funny how it worked out: Hanks turned down the one that set the standard, then starred in two of the best that followed. No wrong answers here — just a great what-if that somehow led to more great movies.
What is your favorite 'When Harry Met Sally...' moment? And yes, the deli scene counts, but I want the deep cuts too.